For a long time, I misunderstood boundaries. I thought setting boundaries meant imposing my will on other people. And I was a “nice guy.” I put that in quotes on purpose. Because what I eventually discovered is that “nice guys” are often deeply inauthentic — and the person they deceive most is themselves. The Problem with Being the “Nice Guy” I believed that being loving meant always being accommodating. I thought: Good people don’t set limits. Good people don’t upset others.